A dramatic Shakespearean response to every...
When something bad happens: True is it that we have seen better days.
When something REALLY bad happens: O woe! O woeful, woeful, woeful day! Most lamentable day. Most woeful day That ever, ever I did yet behold! O day, O day, O day! O hateful day! Never was seen so black a day as this.O woeful day! O woeful day!
When people say that something is wrong because the Bible says so: The Devil can cite scripture for his purpose.
When my girlfriend abandons me for food: FRAILTY, THY NAME IS WOMAN!
When someone doesn't thank me for holding the door open for them: BLOW, BLOW, BLOW, THOU WINTER WIND! THOU ART NOT SO UNKIND AS MAN'S INGRATITUDE!
When I burn something while cooking: MY CAKE IS DOUGH!
When human stupidity frustrates me: LORD, WHAT FOOLS THESE MORTALS BE!
When someone says I'm going to hell for my sins: NYMPH, IN THY ORISONS BE ALL MY SINS REMEMBER'D.
When I'm broke: My pride fell with my fortunes
When someone turns the light on after a period of darkness and blinding light ensues: OH, SHE DOTH TEACH THE TORCHES TO BURN BRIGHT!
When someone disagrees with me: THERE ARE MORE THINGS IN HEAVEN AND EARTH, HORATIO, THEN ARE DREAMT OF IN YOUR PHILOSOPHY.
When I argue with my girlfriend: The course of true love never did run smooth.
When I'm embarrassed: MUST I HOLD A CANDLE TO MY SHAMES?!
Someone says "Good Night": Good Night, Good night! Parting is such sweet sorrow, that I shall say good night till it be morrow.
Blah blah gotta be happy for work tomorrow.
Why do all the shitty things happen towards the end of the day? I guess its so your totally awesome day seems so crappy by the end of it all.
Someone come take my place at OM tonight, I have...
I want to go to bed but Pandora keeps playing good...
Got my cap and gown. Let the Adventure Time...
I hate when people use April 16th to trump an argument. It doesn’t even have to be relevant, they just use it to get a feeling out of you.
For the first eight years of our marriage, [Michelle and I] were paying more in...– President Obama in North Carolina today on why Congress has to act to prevent interest rates on student loans from doubling (via barackobama)
feministdisney: amixedreality: ladyofmischief: katoby: lucifersbutt: if an opinion falls in the forest and there’s no one around to hear it does tumblr still get offended by it yes yes I had a cousin fell and died in the forest you insensitive LOL
finally see favorite band in concert
me: crawl up on stage
me: "i'm your biggest fan"
me: slowly walks up to them
me: lick them
me: lick the stage
me: lick the amps
me: lick the instruments
me: lick them more
me: move like an inchworm across the stage... licking
me: lick the manager
me: trail of spit across the stage
me: lick the mic
me: lick the body guards
me: lick the police
me: lick the patrol car
me: lick the inside of the jail cell
me: never stop licking
me: lick the judge
me: lick the stand
me: lick the jury
me: lick my attorney
me: lick the prison guards
me: lick the judges mallet
me: lick the evidence papers
me: consume the evidence
me: die from poisoning
me: lick the coffin
me: reincarnated as a slug
me: find way into the tour van
me: become band's pet slug
me: ride forever
AWFUL: The most loveable and interesting of the dwarf characterisations. He...– Story draft for Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, made in November 1935. I think Awful would have been the single most enduring Disney character ever created. Except, perhaps, for Jumpy, who is “in constant twitchy fear of being goosed, but is not goosed until the last scene.” In my mind, Awful...
We have bats at work (they are outside of work...
I really hope they are brown bats and that they don’t get white nose.
Thank God it’s fatal, not shy. Not shy of fatal, not shy of fatal.– Heretics-Andrew Bird
I am so ready for JMU.